I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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