i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
