my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
