If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
