remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
