Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
