He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
