I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
