just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
