My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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