he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
