all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
