i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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