New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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