So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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