How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
