stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
