People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
