There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
