dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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