My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
