We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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