I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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