Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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