The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
