i can't believe i had my finger in that
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
