I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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