Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize