Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I fill condoms, not promises.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
