a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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