Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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