At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize