giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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