if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
