you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
