Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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