they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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