hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
