According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
