Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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