My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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