i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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