I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Life is so much better after having sex.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
