apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
