It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
