He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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