if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
