grandma shit on top of the toilet
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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