I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
