im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
