Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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