Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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