I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
