people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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