phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
