got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
