I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
