I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
