Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
