Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
