My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
