My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
