You're completely useless in the revolution.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
