I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
