Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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