i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize