i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
time to smoke my breakfast
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
