If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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