My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
