"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
