And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
