You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
