You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
