if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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