So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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