yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I intend to get homeless drunk
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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