i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
