Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
