I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
