I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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