pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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