Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
