Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
this will be a night to untag.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
