I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
