Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
