I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
where are my eyebrows?
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