Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
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Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
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I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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