I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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