Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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