lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
