turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
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Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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